So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize