1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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