I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
