No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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