we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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