guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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