i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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