Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
