So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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