This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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