well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
