Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
