Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
