I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
