Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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