Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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