Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
