You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
