my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
