The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
