I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
