i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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