I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
