I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
