Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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