i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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