After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
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I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
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I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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