I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
