She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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