Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
