when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
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Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
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If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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