First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize