he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
