Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
