we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
