a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
