Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
