Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
