Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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