I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
