Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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