In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
