I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
