So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
