five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
