fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
