Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
