I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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