You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
