She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
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Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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