the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
