Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
