You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
