KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
