Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You ruined the universe
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
