I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
