i wish my penis had a tongue
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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