I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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