you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
