We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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